Perverted Presents filled with Love
by lxoxjoanxoxl
Summary: St. Yaoi & her servants have visited on Christmas night to leave our favorite Death Note characters gifts. They were lovingly hand-picked and intended for the receiver to fully enjoy ... and to create as much yaoi and mental scarring as possible.


**Perverted Presents Filled with Love**

**J.A.L: It's a (very) late tribute to Christmas! Enjoy!**

**High School AU**

**Warning: Yaoi! Small LxRaito and MelloxNear **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, but I have a Yaoi Note. Yay!**

&

It was a quiet, snowy night at the Whammy Dorms. Everybody was in a deep sleep . . . A little too deep.

"Shit, you use too much sleeping powder!"

"Oh well, Johanna. Now, even if an earthquake happens, these suckers won't wake up!"

"They might _never_ wake up!!!"

"Noooo, then Joanna-chan will go to jail!"

"If they can catch me first, Jay! Now, let's leave these presents and get the fuck outta here before the heat shows up!"

". . ."

&

Raito woke up slowly, "Nnh . . ." He moved lethargically, still not fully awake. His roommate, L (strange name isn't it?), seemed to be awake as well. He came out of the bathroom, fully clothed and drying his hair. Raito said, "Morning . . ."

L replied, "Good morning."

Raito asked, "What day is it?"

L said, "I believe it is December 25, meaning it's Christmas morning."

All of a sudden, all the sleep went out of Raito, "Oh yeah!" He smiled as he went to take a shower. Christmas was Raito's favorite time of the year because . . . well, he didn't know why it was, but either way, he loved it.

Taking a quick shower, he came out of the bathroom to see L looking for something underneath the bed. Raito asked, "What are you doing?"

L came out, holding a brightly wrapped, large present, "I saw this sticking out. I believe there is one underneath yours as well." He pointed to a ribbon sticking out from under Raito's bed.

Raito bent down to pull out a present. He asked, "Did you put this under my bed?"

L shook his head, "And I'm guessing you didn't put this under my bed?"

Raito nodded in affirmative. Un-wrapping it, he mused, "Well, let's see what this is about."

The present turned out to be a bright orange book with no title. Confused, Raito opened the pages to a very . . . graphic scene . . . with two men . . . And he also caught a glimpse of the words before he shut the book with inhumane speed.

He thought, 'Good fucking lord, it's a gay porn book!!!' Chucking it out the window angrily, he screamed, "WHO THE HELL _KEEPS_ SENDING ME THESE?!"

. . . L commented, "I take it you didn't like your gift."

Raito said, huffing, "No shit." After calming down a bit, he asked, "What did you get?"

L un-wrapped his and declared, "I received a book about the art of serving food on a human body and a box full of various sweets."

His eyes flickered from the box to Raito, to the book, and back again to Raito.

Raito said with a pissed off smile, "Oh **hell **no."

L said with a glint in his eye as he approached Raito with some rope that he magically found, "Shall we try this out, Raito-kun?"

"I said **no**! L, stay away! L!!!!!!!!!!!"

&

Misa screeched, "No, the limited edition Fan-service volume featuring Raito is Misa-Misa's!"

Mikami yelled, "You already have the private Fan-service tapes featuring Raito! This is mine!"

Misa brandished a lip-stick sword, "I'll fight you to death for them!"

Mikami held out a pen-sword, "Bring it on!"

Takada snuck away quietly while the two were fighting, bringing the Fan-service merchandises (along with Raito plushies) with her.

&

In another dorm, Mello, Matt, and Near were waking up. Mello said, "Oh yeah! It's Christmas!"

Near and Matt winced at Mello's loud voice. Near said, "If you would, we would love for you to keep your voice low as to spare our delicate ears."

Mello snapped, "Shut up!" He swung his feet over the bed and bumped against something. Blinking, he pulled out a present, "I got something from Santa!"

Matt said in a false, disbelieving voice, "News flash: Even the Devil gets presents from Santa!" That earned him a book chucked in his face. He cried out, "I kid!"

Mello ripped it open when Near noticed something under his and Matt's bed as well. He pointed it out, "We have presents as well." Bending down, he gingerly took the present. Matt took out his as well.

Ripping open his present, it revealed several bars of limited edition chocolate and a fondue set. Mello cried in joy, "Ah, chocolate!!" A note dropped to the floor. Noticing it, Mello picked it up.

Matt opened his, which revealed a title-less game disc. A note said, 'Don't worry, it's not a virus or anything. It's just a game.'

Blinking, he took out his laptop and popped it in. The title flashed, 'Poisoned' and revealed Mello and Near in a evocative and perverted position.

**(Poisoned is a real game by Akane. It's not mine! I don't think it comes in discs though . . . (sweat-drops))**

He blushed and clutched an on-coming nosebleed (even if he was _100 percent, COMPLETELY _**(note the sarcasm by the authoress) **straight, any normal teenager filled with hormones would react that way).

Near had accidentally dropped his box and when he picked it out, it started shaking. On the box was a card that said, 'Here's a new toy.'

Near stared at the vibrating package, ". . . I **do not** want to know why this is vibrating."

Mello read the note, 'Melted Chocolate + Near + some bondage = lots of fun.' Having a high IQ, Mello immediately got the hint. For some reason, instead of being in denial, he merely grinned widely.

Matt glanced at Near and Mello, "U-Um, I gotta go do . . . uh, something!" Without waiting for them to question his behavior, he sped out of the room with his laptop.

Once Matt was gone, Mello looked at Near with a horny and devilishly handsome smirk. He purred, "Hey Near, wanna play with our presents?"

Poor Near never saw it coming . . . well maybe he did being smart and all. But that didn't change the fact that Mello had his way with the pale boy.

& _**Later on, during nighttime**_ &

"Why are we here again?" the silver haired teen complained.

The female glared, "Be quiet! I need to find the video cameras I left in these dorms and see what naughty footage we got!"

The blue haired boy asked, "We're really doing illegal stuff aren't we?"

Once the trio retrieved both cameras, they stood outside the door of Mello and Near's room (having drugged the two boys so they wouldn't wake up).

Joanna **(my OC)** checked the footage, "Now let's see what we got here . . ." The sounds of moans and licking immediately filled the hallway.

Johanna's **(my OC)** face became that of shock and a blush covered it, "The hell?!"

Jay **(my OC)** blushed and covered his eyes.

The black haired girl had a goofy and perverted smile on her face as blood dripped down from her nose and drool came out of her mouth, "Nice . . ." She said as she shut it off, "I'll finish it later. Alright, mission accomplished. Let's get out of here." She walked off with two mentally-scarred teens following her.

On the way out, Joanna spotted lightly coming from one room. She stopped, 'Shit, someone's up?!' She glanced at the entrance and saw a red haired teen playing on a laptop.

He murmured, "Been playing . . . since this morning . . . Completed ten endings . . . need to stop . . . But it's getting to the good part . . ." He stared at the screen, which showed Mello and Near doing things that shouldn't be mentioned if this fiction is to maintain its rated T status.

Joanna chuckled, "I'm glad he's enjoying his present. I'll get him the sequel next year."

Johanna asked, "How many lives must you fuck up before you are satisfied?"

Joanna winked, "Many."

And with, the three ninjas left.

&

**Jay: Merry, late Christmas to all!**

**J.A.L.: And to all, have a sleepless night! (winks suggestively)**

**Johanna: You can finally stop reading this disaster of a fanfiction and tend to your mentally scarred mind. **

**_THE END!!!!!!!_**


End file.
